For someone who is constantly smiling, I feel so miserable.
And so exhausted, from fighting this war for so long.
The arguing in my head feels like it won’t ever end.
Sometimes I think about the end, ending my life.
I’m not sure if I’d ever have the guts to do such a thing,
It doesn’t seem like something I would do.
I wouldn’t ever want to hurt the people I love,
but I feel like the world keeps hurting me.
I’m burdening everyone with just trying to be myself.
I feel selfish for being mad that they need time to understand.
While I’ve spent my whole life being understanding,
I don’t understand why they need time to finally see me.
I just want to finally be happy,
before I go and end everything because I’m so tired of waiting.
I smile because frowning is an inconvenience.
When I’m sad, they leave.
When they leave, I’m left with my own thoughts.
When I’m left with my own thoughts,
all I think about is never being able to be me.
So I’ll grin for them.
I’ll joke for them.
I’ll act for them.
The vicious cycle.
For someone who is constantly smiling, I feel so invisible.
Trans Invisible
Published
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