zodiac signs // wtnv tweets

Aries: If only you could see the world as it really is! It is beautiful and on fire and awful.
Taurus: The best way to stay in shape is a skeleton. Skin helps too. Without those you wouldn’t have any shape at all.
Gemini: It’s really a lack of imagination that makes children check under the bed. Like couldn’t the monsters be floating invisibly just above you?
Cancer: When a person dies and no one will miss them, the mourning is assigned to a random person. This is why you sometimes just feel sad.
Leo: Last Christmas I gave you my heart. The very next day you were still quite shaken over the gory and incomprehensible gesture. How rude.
Virgo: Can you keep a secret? How about a paper bag that’s slowly dripping blood? Can you keep that? Like in a closet or something?
Libra: Believe in yourself. You are an ancient, absent god, discussed only rarely by literary scholars. So if you don’t believe, no one will.
Scorpio: Follow your heart! (It’s easy to track because it crawls slowly and leaves a noticeable trail.)
Sagittarius: Money doesn’t grow on trees, human organs and limbs do. at least on that one tree they do. It’s a really weird tree. Let’s get out of here.
Capricorn: Live each day like yesterday was your last. (Lying down, quietly decomposing, etc.)
Aquarius: 90% of your body is water. 6% is delusion. 4% is lies.
Pisces: The last thing I want to do is hurt you. And after that, the to-do list is complete and I can go home and watch TV.