When I was 15/16 I was in an accident that left me with chronic pain and internal damage that meant pregnancy was highly unlikely for me. I’ve never wanted children. The reality of me probably being unable to have children never bothered me. It’s bothered everyone else though. People have cried more over my inability to have children than I have. No matter what I say no one will believe that I’m happy in my body regardless of its ability to produce children. They mourn my body like it belongs to them. As though my ability to have children has any affect on their life.
A few months ago I missed two periods in a row and took a pregnancy test that turned out to be a false positive. I went to Planned Parenthood to get a professional opinion and with the full intention of getting an abortion if it turned out that I was pregnant against all odds. There was no fear beyond the usual nervousness you experience at the prospect of a medical procedure. There was no emotional turmoil over my decision. I know what I want and it isn’t kids. The choice was an easy one for me.
When I finally opened up about my pregnancy scare to a few friends, all of them “good” feminist women, they were almost offended over how easy the decision was for me. “If you had been pregnant that may have been your only shot at a biological child. How could you just give that up without more thought?” One asked me. “So many women in your position would kill to be able to get pregnant and you were going to just throw it away?” Another one said to me.
I am not an incubator for other women’s hopes and dreams. If I ever do get pregnant I will not stay that way just because other people in my position would be grateful to have a chance at experiencing pregnancy/birth. I’m not interested in that. I never will be. I don’t want children.
If your idea of “my body my choice” only extends to certain people it’s bullshit. If you think certain women should be grateful for unwanted pregnancies just because any pregnancy for them was unlikely you’re disrespecting their choice. Stop treating women with fertility/reproductive health issues like we’re broken or should feel sad over our health when we tell you we don’t. Stop thinking we owe you “miracle babies” even when we don’t want children.
I am not an incubator for other women’s hopes and dreams
I am not an incubator for other women’s hopes and dreams
I am not an incubator for other women’s hopes and dreams
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