I’d like to go just one year without having to do some sort of major unexpected appliance/house repair work. Just one year.
It’s like the house knew we were coming up for winter and was like “I know, time to kill an appliance”.
It’s the house’s desperate attempt to scare you off. It just eventually goes “My gods, I try and I try.. Why are you still here?? I even timed it with the weather.. Come on, move so I can stop being a house and go back to the nether realms!!”
“What is wrong with this family. I put tampons in the walls, ants pouring out the electrical sockets, exploding furnace in the dead of winter, dead ac in the middle of summer, window unit ac falls out the window into the basement, clogged all the drains. Twice. I know, a classic, dead mice in the vents! They’ll never get rid of the smell! Every time they turn on the dryer…ventless dryers you say. Me dammit.”
I’m not big on the “malevolent haunted house” school of thought, but dang, if your experiences aren’t a strong testimony to make me reconsider.
Who designed this place, the vengeful ghost of B.S. Johnson, the Disc’s most famous architect?
The only thing this house is haunted by is the poor decisions of the previous owner leading up to all this shit. The rest is just the surreal nightmare of home ownership, which really, why are we not taught as young people, how to do things like fish a mouse out of the dryer lint trap at 10pm on a Monday night while suffering from a case of the screaming heebiejeebies.
Why was “home sciences” only ever how to bake a Victoria sponge and sew a drawstring bag. Where was “how to plan a meal schedule”, “how to live on a budget”, “making calls to pest control like an adult despite your overwhelming social anxiety”.
4 years of that class, 4 mandatory years. I was failed by the system.
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