Videogames:you can choose from twenty different eyelashes!!!! oh but you can’t be fat
Yeah, whine about how you can’t have a fat character that can scale walls, or sprint. Please whine more.
you’re so right kiddo….. games are very realistic……. like the parts where you die and then come back again? classic realism.
but we can’t have fat people in videogames because fat people are the real fantasy creatures and not like… the dragons. and of course, every thin person can scale a wall. sure sure.
Y’know what, here’s something that’s been pissing me off for a while.
Fat? Easy to gain. So so easy. Our bodies want to keep fat around, because we’re designed not to starve.
Dropping fat? NOT so easy. When people talk about “losing fat,” what they’re saying is “I need to override millions of years of genetics to convince my body I’m not dying and it doesn’t need this carefully-stored fuel.” Dieting? Your body thinks it’s starving. Work out like crazy? Your body thinks it’s in a situation where it needs to bring the hammer down on the regular, and that means you need more fuel – speaking just for myself, I want to eat the world after I lift. That shit doesn’t melt away, even if you’ve been training like a motherfucking monster for months and eating right, because the body wants to keep it.
So yeah, the “eat less move more” doctrine can fuck itself right in the face.
There are very, very active fat people, fat people who are experts at every sport and physical activity you can imagine. But because fat rests on top of the muscle, you don’t know when we’re jacked. Oh, sure, sometimes you can get a idea, if a person is WILDLY active, like for a fucking living. Here’s Samoa Joe, the NXT pro wrestling champion who was literally dethroned last night:
Yeah, you can see there’s a lot of power there.
But a lot of times you can’t. Here’s Vince Wilfork, two-time Superbowl tackling champion:
And here’s Holley Mangold, 2012 superheavyweight division Olympian:
These are people who fight (and flip, and do all kinds of crazy shit in Joe’s case), and run, and lift for a living.
And they’re not unusual, as much as you’d like to think so. The world is full of fat powerhouses, of fat runners, of fat Crossfitters, and they’re just as good at doing the thing as their smaller counterparts.
So realism? Fuck off. The only reason we don’t have fat game characters is because society is fatphobic as fuck.
Also? Saints Row lets you be fat, *and hot,* so don’t even come at me with “nobody wants that.”
“fat people can’t climb though”
(Exhibit A: Fezzik carrying 3 people up a cliff)
“yeah but that’s fictional!”
and video games aren’t?
Apparently weight weighs differently if it’s fat instead of, like, eight different machine guns and a rocket launcher?
Video games let you carry all sorts of shit, they can let you carry your own body.
(This got better) -V
I love whenever people are like “ugh, fat people can’t climb a wall”.
Cool story, quick question: can you?
Because plenty of people aren’t into climbing. Being skinny isn’t what allows people to climb. Training is.
I’d like to go just one year without having to do some sort of major unexpected appliance/house repair work. Just one year.
It’s like the house knew we were coming up for winter and was like “I know, time to kill an appliance”.
It’s the house’s desperate attempt to scare you off. It just eventually goes “My gods, I try and I try.. Why are you still here?? I even timed it with the weather.. Come on, move so I can stop being a house and go back to the nether realms!!”
“What is wrong with this family. I put tampons in the walls, ants pouring out the electrical sockets, exploding furnace in the dead of winter, dead ac in the middle of summer, window unit ac falls out the window into the basement, clogged all the drains. Twice. I know, a classic, dead mice in the vents! They’ll never get rid of the smell! Every time they turn on the dryer…ventless dryers you say. Me dammit.”
I’m not big on the “malevolent haunted house” school of thought, but dang, if your experiences aren’t a strong testimony to make me reconsider.
Who designed this place, the vengeful ghost of B.S. Johnson, the Disc’s most famous architect?
The only thing this house is haunted by is the poor decisions of the previous owner leading up to all this shit. The rest is just the surreal nightmare of home ownership, which really, why are we not taught as young people, how to do things like fish a mouse out of the dryer lint trap at 10pm on a Monday night while suffering from a case of the screaming heebiejeebies.
Why was “home sciences” only ever how to bake a Victoria sponge and sew a drawstring bag. Where was “how to plan a meal schedule”, “how to live on a budget”, “making calls to pest control like an adult despite your overwhelming social anxiety”.
4 years of that class, 4 mandatory years. I was failed by the system.
When that life coach talked about making daily affirmations, I really doubt they meant yelling “fuck you, I’m the one with opposable thumbs around here, that means I’m in charge” to your house at large but you know, whatever works…
Also on top of my list of choice phrases I’ve said loudly to myself:
“Calm your tits and get on with it”
And
“I am going to make it through this year if it kills me.”
Incidentally, if you are fishing any stream or river in the Mississippi river watershed and catch any fuckers that look like this;
DO NOT THROW THEM BACK FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
That’s an Asian Carp, and they ARE invasive. The Iowa DNR encourages people to catch, kill, and eat as many as possible.
They’re also tasty as hell, even though they’ve got lots of bones.
Also, yes, this fish has weird eyes that are set real low and look downwards.
It does not have two eyes on the same side; it just has a mark there that looks sorta like one.
Another pic;
They mostly eat plants, but sometimes will get snagged when line fishing. But, they also do THIS;
Midwesterners being who we are, we immediately knew what to do; BOWFISH THEM SHITS
And INVENT THE SPORT KNOWN AS ‘SCARPING’, which is just netting them out of the air/smacking them with baseball bats/spearing them with pitchforks/ect while waterskiing;
See…I’m good with a bow…but not that good. I AM however much better with a net and having the prey come to me.
…Does anyone want to take me to go Scarping?
You can also use a shotgun
The DNR actively encourages all inventive ways of killing them off that people can come up with. There’s no limit on them, so you can fill up the boat.
And they’re DANGED tasty. Nice mild firm white flesh.
Only in American might you go shooting fish off the back of a moving boat.
Asian carp are actually a HUGE threat to the Great Lakes. Like if you catch one, keep that bitch on dry land.
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