I’m very concerned with how people perceive me and I want to change that. I’ve been working incredibly hard at it, immediately taking down any thought like “the people behind you are laughing because your hair is ridiculous” and replacing it with “yeah my hair is ridiculous I love it and why would I care if random girls laugh at me???”

And I would try to rationalize like nobody is watching you that close and making judgment calls, but that’s a lie… Most people aren’t but I do. I’m very judgemental, and I’m trying to work on that too.

I know I’m progressing but it feels like a snails pace.

Also like I feel like I’m in a fever dream. We’ve got a fascist government, Russians don’t want us to vote (???), and the trump administration wants to erase trans people.

I’ve also come back full circle. I’ve always been nonbinary and I knew that tits weren’t gonna cut it for me. But I would’ve been just as happy with a reduction as I am with my top surgery. I’m not upset about it, I’m just learning more about myself everyday. I’m so very not female but I’m also so very not male and I’m queer. I guess genderqueer works well for me (thank u Charlie for heavily incorporating that word into my vocabulary)